「ヴァルム・スローパー」の返信一覧

ヴァルム・スローパー (No:1)

スレ主長巻ヤモリ

投稿日時： 2020年04月13日

ヴァルム・スローパーの返信 (No: 2)

投稿者 junhon : 0 No: 1の返信

　一応趣味で小説を書いている身ではありますが、ノリと勢いだけで書いていますので技術的な事とか... 続きを読む >>

投稿日時： 2020年04月19日

ありがとうございます！ (No: 3)

スレ主長巻ヤモリ : 0 No: 2の返信

ありがとうございます！　ありがとうございます！ “文章もちゃんとしていて特に問題点... 続きを読む >>

投稿日時： 2020年04月19日

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小説の最重要箇所であるタイトルとプロローグを改善するための相談、意見交換ができる掲示板です。
タイトルが良くないとそもそも読者は小説を読んでくれません。
また、プロローグがおもしろくなくては、ブックマークに登録してくれません。タイトルとプロローグで小説の評価は９割決まります。
この２つを改善するための相談ができる場所です。

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他の相談依頼

Notice (8): Undefined variable: i2 [APP/Template/Element/random_data.ctp, line 11]Code Context        <?php foreach ($random_data as $novel): ?>
        <?php $i2++; ?>
        <div class="list-group-item">
$viewFile = '/home/users/2/weblike.jp-tennsaku/web/prologue/src/Template/Element/random_data.ctp'
$dataForView = [
	'_serialize' => [
		(int) 0 => 'novels'
	],
	'novel' => object(App\Model\Entity\Novel) {

		'[new]' => true,
		'[accessible]' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'[dirty]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[original]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[virtual]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[errors]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[invalid]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[repository]' => 'Novels'
	
	},
	'tree' => object(Cake\ORM\Query) {

		'(help)' => 'This is a Query object, to get the results execute or iterate it.',
		'sql' => 'SELECT novels.id AS "novels__id", novels.title AS "novels__title", novels.rewriting AS "novels__rewriting", novels.good AS "novels__good", novels.comment AS "novels__comment", novels.parent_no AS "novels__parent_no", novels.score AS "novels__score", novels.created AS "novels__created", novels.story AS "novels__story", novels.no AS "novels__no", novels.person_id AS "novels__person_id", people.id AS "people__id", people.name AS "people__name" FROM novels Novels INNER JOIN people People ON People.id = (Novels.person_id) WHERE (Novels.rght < :c0 AND Novels.lft > :c1) ORDER BY Novels.lft ASC',
		'params' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'defaultTypes' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'decorators' => (int) 0,
		'executed' => true,
		'hydrate' => true,
		'buffered' => true,
		'formatters' => (int) 0,
		'mapReducers' => (int) 0,
		'contain' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'matching' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'extraOptions' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'repository' => object(App\Model\Table\NovelsTable) {}
	
	},
	'count_treeList' => (int) 2,
	'NovelsOrigin' => object(App\Model\Entity\Novel) {

		'id' => (int) 190,
		'title' => 'ヴァルム・スローパー',
		'person_id' => (int) 47,
		'people' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'novels' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'[new]' => false,
		'[accessible]' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'[dirty]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[original]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[virtual]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[errors]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[invalid]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[repository]' => 'Novels'
	
	},
	'random_data' => object(Cake\ORM\Query) {

		'(help)' => 'This is a Query object, to get the results execute or iterate it.',
		'sql' => 'SELECT novels.id AS "novels__id", novels.title AS "novels__title", novels.score AS "novels__score", novels.url AS "novels__url", novels.created AS "novels__created", novels.comment AS "novels__comment", novels.person_id AS "novels__person_id", novels.rs AS "novels__rs", novels.excellent AS "novels__excellent", novels.parent_title AS "novels__parent_title", people.id AS "people__id", people.name AS "people__name" FROM novels Novels INNER JOIN people People ON People.id = (Novels.person_id) WHERE ((parent_id) IS NULL AND novels.id != :c0) ORDER BY random() LIMIT 3',
		'params' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'defaultTypes' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'decorators' => (int) 0,
		'executed' => true,
		'hydrate' => true,
		'buffered' => true,
		'formatters' => (int) 0,
		'mapReducers' => (int) 0,
		'contain' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'matching' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'extraOptions' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'repository' => object(App\Model\Table\NovelsTable) {}
	
	},
	'excellent' => (int) 3,
	'headerTitle' => '小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』',
	'title' => '「ヴァルム・スローパー」の返信一覧。小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』',
	'title2' => '小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』',
	'description' => '「ヴァルム・スローパー」の返信一覧。小説の最重要箇所であるタイトルとプロローグを改善するための相談、意見交換ができる掲示板です。タイトルが良くないとそもそも読者は小説を読んでくれません。また、プロローグがおもしろくなくては、ブックマークに登録してくれません。タイトルとプロローグで小説の評価は９割決まります。この２つを改善するための相談ができる場所です。',
	'site_name' => '小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』',
	'meta' => (int) 1,
	'advertisements' => true,
	'form' => (int) 1,
	'nondisplay' => [],
	'h2' => '他の相談依頼'
]
$_serialize = [
	(int) 0 => 'novels'
]
$novel = object(App\Model\Entity\Novel) {

	'novels' => [
		'id' => '153',
		'title' => '夜空に上げる',
		'score' => '0',
		'url' => '',
		'created' => '2019-05-06 19:39:22',
		'comment' => '久し振りに小説の本文を書いたので、客観的に見られない自分がいます。
このプロローグを読んでどんな印象を受けるか、続きは読みたくなるか、など忌憚のないご意見をよろしくお願いいたします。
これで面白くないって言われたら、書くのやめようかな……と思ってしまうくらいメンタルが弱っているので、全否定はやめて頂けると嬉しいです。良いところを言ってくれというお願いではなく、こうすれば読めるようになる等の改善案を頂けると嬉しいという意味で。

あらすじ
「パパはお星様になってママと私を見守ってくれるよ」
父が死に精神衰弱を起こした母杏里をそう慰めた夜白だったが、その翌日母は姿を消す。代わりに自宅に現れた女・摩耶が、夜白に告げる。
「杏里は死んだわ。旦那のいない世界で生きていく意味を見いだせなかったのよ」
傍若無人な謎の女摩耶と、高校一年生になったばかりの夜白の二人暮らしが始まる――',
		'person_id' => '36',
		'rs' => '8',
		'excellent' => null,
		'parent_title' => '1'
	],
	'people' => [
		'id' => '36',
		'name' => 'みりん'
	],
	'[new]' => false,
	'[accessible]' => [
		'*' => true,
		'id' => false
	],
	'[dirty]' => [],
	'[original]' => [],
	'[virtual]' => [],
	'[errors]' => [],
	'[invalid]' => [],
	'[repository]' => 'Novels'

}
$tree = object(Cake\ORM\Query) {

	'(help)' => 'This is a Query object, to get the results execute or iterate it.',
	'sql' => 'SELECT novels.id AS "novels__id", novels.title AS "novels__title", novels.rewriting AS "novels__rewriting", novels.good AS "novels__good", novels.comment AS "novels__comment", novels.parent_no AS "novels__parent_no", novels.score AS "novels__score", novels.created AS "novels__created", novels.story AS "novels__story", novels.no AS "novels__no", novels.person_id AS "novels__person_id", people.id AS "people__id", people.name AS "people__name" FROM novels Novels INNER JOIN people People ON People.id = (Novels.person_id) WHERE (Novels.rght < :c0 AND Novels.lft > :c1) ORDER BY Novels.lft ASC',
	'params' => [
		':c0' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		':c1' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		]
	],
	'defaultTypes' => [
		'Novels__id' => 'integer',
		'Novels.id' => 'integer',
		'id' => 'integer',
		'Novels__parent_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels.parent_id' => 'integer',
		'parent_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels__person_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels.person_id' => 'integer',
		'person_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels__title' => 'string',
		'Novels.title' => 'string',
		'title' => 'string',
		'Novels__rewriting' => 'text',
		'Novels.rewriting' => 'text',
		'rewriting' => 'text',
		'Novels__rewriting_number' => 'integer',
		'Novels.rewriting_number' => 'integer',
		'rewriting_number' => 'integer',
		'Novels__rewriting_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels.rewriting_ip' => 'text',
		'rewriting_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels__comment' => 'text',
		'Novels.comment' => 'text',
		'comment' => 'text',
		'Novels__parent_comment' => 'text',
		'Novels.parent_comment' => 'text',
		'parent_comment' => 'text',
		'Novels__lft' => 'integer',
		'Novels.lft' => 'integer',
		'lft' => 'integer',
		'Novels__rght' => 'integer',
		'Novels.rght' => 'integer',
		'rght' => 'integer',
		'Novels__origin' => 'integer',
		'Novels.origin' => 'integer',
		'origin' => 'integer',
		'Novels__origin_title' => 'text',
		'Novels.origin_title' => 'text',
		'origin_title' => 'text',
		'Novels__parent_title' => 'text',
		'Novels.parent_title' => 'text',
		'parent_title' => 'text',
		'Novels__ip' => 'text',
		'Novels.ip' => 'text',
		'ip' => 'text',
		'Novels__user_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels.user_ip' => 'text',
		'user_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels__rs' => 'integer',
		'Novels.rs' => 'integer',
		'rs' => 'integer',
		'Novels__score' => 'integer',
		'Novels.score' => 'integer',
		'score' => 'integer',
		'Novels__no' => 'integer',
		'Novels.no' => 'integer',
		'no' => 'integer',
		'Novels__parent_no' => 'integer',
		'Novels.parent_no' => 'integer',
		'parent_no' => 'integer',
		'Novels__story' => 'integer',
		'Novels.story' => 'integer',
		'story' => 'integer',
		'Novels__excellent' => 'integer',
		'Novels.excellent' => 'integer',
		'excellent' => 'integer',
		'Novels__writer' => 'integer',
		'Novels.writer' => 'integer',
		'writer' => 'integer',
		'Novels__url' => 'text',
		'Novels.url' => 'text',
		'url' => 'text',
		'Novels__improvementl' => 'text',
		'Novels.improvementl' => 'text',
		'improvementl' => 'text',
		'Novels__good' => 'text',
		'Novels.good' => 'text',
		'good' => 'text',
		'Novels__created' => 'datetime',
		'Novels.created' => 'datetime',
		'created' => 'datetime',
		'Novels__modified' => 'datetime',
		'Novels.modified' => 'datetime',
		'modified' => 'datetime',
		'People__id' => 'integer',
		'People.id' => 'integer',
		'People__name' => 'text',
		'People.name' => 'text',
		'name' => 'text',
		'People__email' => 'text',
		'People.email' => 'text',
		'email' => 'text',
		'People__sendmail' => 'integer',
		'People.sendmail' => 'integer',
		'sendmail' => 'integer',
		'People__created' => 'datetime',
		'People.created' => 'datetime'
	],
	'decorators' => (int) 0,
	'executed' => true,
	'hydrate' => true,
	'buffered' => true,
	'formatters' => (int) 0,
	'mapReducers' => (int) 0,
	'contain' => [
		'People' => [[maximum depth reached]]
	],
	'matching' => [],
	'extraOptions' => [
		'for' => '190'
	],
	'repository' => object(App\Model\Table\NovelsTable) {}

}
$count_treeList = (int) 2
$NovelsOrigin = object(App\Model\Entity\Novel) {

	'id' => (int) 190,
	'title' => 'ヴァルム・スローパー',
	'person_id' => (int) 47,
	'people' => [
		'id' => '47',
		'name' => '長巻 ヤモリ'
	],
	'novels' => [
		'created' => '2020-04-13 07:57:45'
	],
	'[new]' => false,
	'[accessible]' => [
		'*' => true,
		'id' => false
	],
	'[dirty]' => [],
	'[original]' => [],
	'[virtual]' => [],
	'[errors]' => [],
	'[invalid]' => [],
	'[repository]' => 'Novels'

}
$random_data = object(Cake\ORM\Query) {

	'(help)' => 'This is a Query object, to get the results execute or iterate it.',
	'sql' => 'SELECT novels.id AS "novels__id", novels.title AS "novels__title", novels.score AS "novels__score", novels.url AS "novels__url", novels.created AS "novels__created", novels.comment AS "novels__comment", novels.person_id AS "novels__person_id", novels.rs AS "novels__rs", novels.excellent AS "novels__excellent", novels.parent_title AS "novels__parent_title", people.id AS "people__id", people.name AS "people__name" FROM novels Novels INNER JOIN people People ON People.id = (Novels.person_id) WHERE ((parent_id) IS NULL AND novels.id != :c0) ORDER BY random() LIMIT 3',
	'params' => [
		':c0' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		]
	],
	'defaultTypes' => [
		'Novels__id' => 'integer',
		'Novels.id' => 'integer',
		'id' => 'integer',
		'Novels__parent_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels.parent_id' => 'integer',
		'parent_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels__person_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels.person_id' => 'integer',
		'person_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels__title' => 'string',
		'Novels.title' => 'string',
		'title' => 'string',
		'Novels__rewriting' => 'text',
		'Novels.rewriting' => 'text',
		'rewriting' => 'text',
		'Novels__rewriting_number' => 'integer',
		'Novels.rewriting_number' => 'integer',
		'rewriting_number' => 'integer',
		'Novels__rewriting_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels.rewriting_ip' => 'text',
		'rewriting_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels__comment' => 'text',
		'Novels.comment' => 'text',
		'comment' => 'text',
		'Novels__parent_comment' => 'text',
		'Novels.parent_comment' => 'text',
		'parent_comment' => 'text',
		'Novels__lft' => 'integer',
		'Novels.lft' => 'integer',
		'lft' => 'integer',
		'Novels__rght' => 'integer',
		'Novels.rght' => 'integer',
		'rght' => 'integer',
		'Novels__origin' => 'integer',
		'Novels.origin' => 'integer',
		'origin' => 'integer',
		'Novels__origin_title' => 'text',
		'Novels.origin_title' => 'text',
		'origin_title' => 'text',
		'Novels__parent_title' => 'text',
		'Novels.parent_title' => 'text',
		'parent_title' => 'text',
		'Novels__ip' => 'text',
		'Novels.ip' => 'text',
		'ip' => 'text',
		'Novels__user_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels.user_ip' => 'text',
		'user_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels__rs' => 'integer',
		'Novels.rs' => 'integer',
		'rs' => 'integer',
		'Novels__score' => 'integer',
		'Novels.score' => 'integer',
		'score' => 'integer',
		'Novels__no' => 'integer',
		'Novels.no' => 'integer',
		'no' => 'integer',
		'Novels__parent_no' => 'integer',
		'Novels.parent_no' => 'integer',
		'parent_no' => 'integer',
		'Novels__story' => 'integer',
		'Novels.story' => 'integer',
		'story' => 'integer',
		'Novels__excellent' => 'integer',
		'Novels.excellent' => 'integer',
		'excellent' => 'integer',
		'Novels__writer' => 'integer',
		'Novels.writer' => 'integer',
		'writer' => 'integer',
		'Novels__url' => 'text',
		'Novels.url' => 'text',
		'url' => 'text',
		'Novels__improvementl' => 'text',
		'Novels.improvementl' => 'text',
		'improvementl' => 'text',
		'Novels__good' => 'text',
		'Novels.good' => 'text',
		'good' => 'text',
		'Novels__created' => 'datetime',
		'Novels.created' => 'datetime',
		'created' => 'datetime',
		'Novels__modified' => 'datetime',
		'Novels.modified' => 'datetime',
		'modified' => 'datetime',
		'People__id' => 'integer',
		'People.id' => 'integer',
		'People__name' => 'text',
		'People.name' => 'text',
		'name' => 'text',
		'People__email' => 'text',
		'People.email' => 'text',
		'email' => 'text',
		'People__sendmail' => 'integer',
		'People.sendmail' => 'integer',
		'sendmail' => 'integer',
		'People__created' => 'datetime',
		'People.created' => 'datetime'
	],
	'decorators' => (int) 0,
	'executed' => true,
	'hydrate' => true,
	'buffered' => true,
	'formatters' => (int) 0,
	'mapReducers' => (int) 0,
	'contain' => [
		'People' => [[maximum depth reached]]
	],
	'matching' => [],
	'extraOptions' => [],
	'repository' => object(App\Model\Table\NovelsTable) {}

}
$excellent = (int) 3
$headerTitle = '小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』'
$title = '「ヴァルム・スローパー」の返信一覧。小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』'
$title2 = '小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』'
$description = '「ヴァルム・スローパー」の返信一覧。小説の最重要箇所であるタイトルとプロローグを改善するための相談、意見交換ができる掲示板です。タイトルが良くないとそもそも読者は小説を読んでくれません。また、プロローグがおもしろくなくては、ブックマークに登録してくれません。タイトルとプロローグで小説の評価は９割決まります。この２つを改善するための相談ができる場所です。'
$site_name = '小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』'
$meta = (int) 1
$advertisements = true
$form = (int) 1
$nondisplay = []
$h2 = '他の相談依頼'
$i2 = null
include - APP/Template/Element/random_data.ctp, line 11
Cake\View\View::_evaluate() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 1203
Cake\View\View::_render() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 1164
Cake\View\View::_renderElement() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 1561
Cake\View\View::element() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 675
include - APP/Template/Novels/tree.ctp, line 30
Cake\View\View::_evaluate() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 1203
Cake\View\View::_render() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 1164
Cake\View\View::render() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 772
Cake\Controller\Controller::render() - CORE/src/Controller/Controller.php, line 623
Cake\Http\ActionDispatcher::_invoke() - CORE/src/Http/ActionDispatcher.php, line 125
Cake\Http\ActionDispatcher::dispatch() - CORE/src/Http/ActionDispatcher.php, line 93
Cake\Http\BaseApplication::__invoke() - CORE/src/Http/BaseApplication.php, line 108
Cake\Http\Runner::__invoke() - CORE/src/Http/Runner.php, line 65
Cake\Routing\Middleware\RoutingMiddleware::__invoke() - CORE/src/Routing/Middleware/RoutingMiddleware.php, line 104
Cake\Http\Runner::__invoke() - CORE/src/Http/Runner.php, line 65
Cake\Routing\Middleware\AssetMiddleware::__invoke() - CORE/src/Routing/Middleware/AssetMiddleware.php, line 88

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夜空に上げる

投稿者みりん返信数 : 7

投稿日時： 2019年05月06日

久し振りに小説の本文を書いたので、客観的に見られない自分がいます。このプロローグを読んでどんな印象を受けるか、続きは読みたくなる... 続きを読む >>

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家事力0の女魔術師が口の悪い使用人を雇ったところ、新生活が始まりました

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投稿日時： 2018年03月18日

ジャンルは異世界〔恋愛〕。女性向けラブコメです。以下、あらすじです。 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ その... 続きを読む >>

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小説投稿先URL（別タブが開きます）
https://ncode.syosetu.com/n2713ep/

ぼくの愛しい桃泥棒

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投稿日時： 2020年11月24日

恋愛小説の冒頭部分です。どこかで見た「プロローグには主人公の成功の予感・挫折の感触などを入れろ」との指摘を受けて考えてみたもので... 続きを読む >>

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