「JKと女教師の恋」の返信一覧

JKと女教師の恋 (No:1)

スレ主田中一郎

投稿日時： 2019年09月06日

JK・優花里と女教師・谷合満里奈の恋 (No: 2)

投稿者ドラコン : 0 No: 1の返信

　ドラコンと申します。なろう小説に詳しいわけではないのですが、ご質問の件につき、僭越ながら私... 続きを読む >>

投稿日時： 2019年09月06日

ありがとうございます。 (No: 3)

スレ主田中一郎 : 0 No: 1の返信

ドラコンさんありがとうございます。作品は申し訳ございませんが作家でごはんに投稿後、温... 続きを読む >>

投稿日時： 2019年09月07日

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小説の最重要箇所であるタイトルとプロローグを改善するための相談、意見交換ができる掲示板です。
タイトルが良くないとそもそも読者は小説を読んでくれません。
また、プロローグがおもしろくなくては、ブックマークに登録してくれません。タイトルとプロローグで小説の評価は９割決まります。
この２つを改善するための相談ができる場所です。

ページの先頭へ

他の相談依頼

Notice (8): Undefined variable: i2 [APP/Template/Element/random_data.ctp, line 11]Code Context        <?php foreach ($random_data as $novel): ?>
        <?php $i2++; ?>
        <div class="list-group-item">
$viewFile = '/home/users/2/weblike.jp-tennsaku/web/prologue/src/Template/Element/random_data.ctp'
$dataForView = [
	'_serialize' => [
		(int) 0 => 'novels'
	],
	'novel' => object(App\Model\Entity\Novel) {

		'[new]' => true,
		'[accessible]' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'[dirty]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[original]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[virtual]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[errors]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[invalid]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[repository]' => 'Novels'
	
	},
	'tree' => object(Cake\ORM\Query) {

		'(help)' => 'This is a Query object, to get the results execute or iterate it.',
		'sql' => 'SELECT novels.id AS "novels__id", novels.title AS "novels__title", novels.rewriting AS "novels__rewriting", novels.good AS "novels__good", novels.comment AS "novels__comment", novels.parent_no AS "novels__parent_no", novels.score AS "novels__score", novels.created AS "novels__created", novels.story AS "novels__story", novels.no AS "novels__no", novels.person_id AS "novels__person_id", people.id AS "people__id", people.name AS "people__name" FROM novels Novels INNER JOIN people People ON People.id = (Novels.person_id) WHERE (Novels.rght < :c0 AND Novels.lft > :c1) ORDER BY Novels.lft ASC',
		'params' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'defaultTypes' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'decorators' => (int) 0,
		'executed' => true,
		'hydrate' => true,
		'buffered' => true,
		'formatters' => (int) 0,
		'mapReducers' => (int) 0,
		'contain' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'matching' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'extraOptions' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'repository' => object(App\Model\Table\NovelsTable) {}
	
	},
	'count_treeList' => (int) 2,
	'NovelsOrigin' => object(App\Model\Entity\Novel) {

		'id' => (int) 176,
		'title' => 'JKと女教師の恋',
		'person_id' => (int) 42,
		'people' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'novels' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'[new]' => false,
		'[accessible]' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'[dirty]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[original]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[virtual]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[errors]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[invalid]' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'[repository]' => 'Novels'
	
	},
	'random_data' => object(Cake\ORM\Query) {

		'(help)' => 'This is a Query object, to get the results execute or iterate it.',
		'sql' => 'SELECT novels.id AS "novels__id", novels.title AS "novels__title", novels.score AS "novels__score", novels.url AS "novels__url", novels.created AS "novels__created", novels.comment AS "novels__comment", novels.person_id AS "novels__person_id", novels.rs AS "novels__rs", novels.excellent AS "novels__excellent", novels.parent_title AS "novels__parent_title", people.id AS "people__id", people.name AS "people__name" FROM novels Novels INNER JOIN people People ON People.id = (Novels.person_id) WHERE ((parent_id) IS NULL AND novels.id != :c0) ORDER BY random() LIMIT 3',
		'params' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'defaultTypes' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'decorators' => (int) 0,
		'executed' => true,
		'hydrate' => true,
		'buffered' => true,
		'formatters' => (int) 0,
		'mapReducers' => (int) 0,
		'contain' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		'matching' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'extraOptions' => [[maximum depth reached]],
		'repository' => object(App\Model\Table\NovelsTable) {}
	
	},
	'excellent' => (int) 3,
	'headerTitle' => '小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』',
	'title' => '「JKと女教師の恋」の返信一覧。小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』',
	'title2' => '小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』',
	'description' => '「JKと女教師の恋」の返信一覧。小説の最重要箇所であるタイトルとプロローグを改善するための相談、意見交換ができる掲示板です。タイトルが良くないとそもそも読者は小説を読んでくれません。また、プロローグがおもしろくなくては、ブックマークに登録してくれません。タイトルとプロローグで小説の評価は９割決まります。この２つを改善するための相談ができる場所です。',
	'site_name' => '小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』',
	'meta' => (int) 1,
	'advertisements' => true,
	'form' => (int) 1,
	'nondisplay' => [],
	'h2' => '他の相談依頼'
]
$_serialize = [
	(int) 0 => 'novels'
]
$novel = object(App\Model\Entity\Novel) {

	'novels' => [
		'id' => '85',
		'title' => '√7　虹を破る者〜妹を取り戻すまでの、7週間の英雄譚〜',
		'score' => '0',
		'url' => '',
		'created' => '2018-11-03 21:33:43',
		'comment' => '　ある日、無気力な男子高校生・慧央は、双子の妹・依呂葉を失うという最悪の結末を迎えた。しかし、突然現れた謎の幼女にキスされて、7週間前にタイムスリップすることになる。
　やり直すチャンスを得た慧央は、そこで《破虹師》——《虹化体》という化け物を倒す組織の一員となり、《虹》にねじ曲げられた人々による様々な思惑を掻い潜りながら、妹を守るために奔走する。
　
　これは、少年が全てを捨て、名も無き英雄になるまでの7週間の物語である。

↑ここまであらすじです

まだ投稿前のものなのですが、物語の始まり方に迷いがあります。
もともと、プロローグはもっと静かな始まり方だったのですが、タイムリープものなら大人しくタイムリープしとけ、と別の場所で助言を頂き書き直したものになります。

このあと、6話くらいこのシーンに至るまでの回想シーン風なものがあり、そのあとようやく主人公が過去で目覚める……という構成です。1話辺りの文字数はこれくらいです。これもまた長いでしょうか。それより、開き直って静かな始まり方に戻すべきか。それも悩んでいます。',
		'person_id' => '20',
		'rs' => '3',
		'excellent' => null,
		'parent_title' => null
	],
	'people' => [
		'id' => '20',
		'name' => '秤屋シオン'
	],
	'[new]' => false,
	'[accessible]' => [
		'*' => true,
		'id' => false
	],
	'[dirty]' => [],
	'[original]' => [],
	'[virtual]' => [],
	'[errors]' => [],
	'[invalid]' => [],
	'[repository]' => 'Novels'

}
$tree = object(Cake\ORM\Query) {

	'(help)' => 'This is a Query object, to get the results execute or iterate it.',
	'sql' => 'SELECT novels.id AS "novels__id", novels.title AS "novels__title", novels.rewriting AS "novels__rewriting", novels.good AS "novels__good", novels.comment AS "novels__comment", novels.parent_no AS "novels__parent_no", novels.score AS "novels__score", novels.created AS "novels__created", novels.story AS "novels__story", novels.no AS "novels__no", novels.person_id AS "novels__person_id", people.id AS "people__id", people.name AS "people__name" FROM novels Novels INNER JOIN people People ON People.id = (Novels.person_id) WHERE (Novels.rght < :c0 AND Novels.lft > :c1) ORDER BY Novels.lft ASC',
	'params' => [
		':c0' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		],
		':c1' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		]
	],
	'defaultTypes' => [
		'Novels__id' => 'integer',
		'Novels.id' => 'integer',
		'id' => 'integer',
		'Novels__parent_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels.parent_id' => 'integer',
		'parent_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels__person_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels.person_id' => 'integer',
		'person_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels__title' => 'string',
		'Novels.title' => 'string',
		'title' => 'string',
		'Novels__rewriting' => 'text',
		'Novels.rewriting' => 'text',
		'rewriting' => 'text',
		'Novels__rewriting_number' => 'integer',
		'Novels.rewriting_number' => 'integer',
		'rewriting_number' => 'integer',
		'Novels__rewriting_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels.rewriting_ip' => 'text',
		'rewriting_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels__comment' => 'text',
		'Novels.comment' => 'text',
		'comment' => 'text',
		'Novels__parent_comment' => 'text',
		'Novels.parent_comment' => 'text',
		'parent_comment' => 'text',
		'Novels__lft' => 'integer',
		'Novels.lft' => 'integer',
		'lft' => 'integer',
		'Novels__rght' => 'integer',
		'Novels.rght' => 'integer',
		'rght' => 'integer',
		'Novels__origin' => 'integer',
		'Novels.origin' => 'integer',
		'origin' => 'integer',
		'Novels__origin_title' => 'text',
		'Novels.origin_title' => 'text',
		'origin_title' => 'text',
		'Novels__parent_title' => 'text',
		'Novels.parent_title' => 'text',
		'parent_title' => 'text',
		'Novels__ip' => 'text',
		'Novels.ip' => 'text',
		'ip' => 'text',
		'Novels__user_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels.user_ip' => 'text',
		'user_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels__rs' => 'integer',
		'Novels.rs' => 'integer',
		'rs' => 'integer',
		'Novels__score' => 'integer',
		'Novels.score' => 'integer',
		'score' => 'integer',
		'Novels__no' => 'integer',
		'Novels.no' => 'integer',
		'no' => 'integer',
		'Novels__parent_no' => 'integer',
		'Novels.parent_no' => 'integer',
		'parent_no' => 'integer',
		'Novels__story' => 'integer',
		'Novels.story' => 'integer',
		'story' => 'integer',
		'Novels__excellent' => 'integer',
		'Novels.excellent' => 'integer',
		'excellent' => 'integer',
		'Novels__writer' => 'integer',
		'Novels.writer' => 'integer',
		'writer' => 'integer',
		'Novels__url' => 'text',
		'Novels.url' => 'text',
		'url' => 'text',
		'Novels__improvementl' => 'text',
		'Novels.improvementl' => 'text',
		'improvementl' => 'text',
		'Novels__good' => 'text',
		'Novels.good' => 'text',
		'good' => 'text',
		'Novels__created' => 'datetime',
		'Novels.created' => 'datetime',
		'created' => 'datetime',
		'Novels__modified' => 'datetime',
		'Novels.modified' => 'datetime',
		'modified' => 'datetime',
		'People__id' => 'integer',
		'People.id' => 'integer',
		'People__name' => 'text',
		'People.name' => 'text',
		'name' => 'text',
		'People__email' => 'text',
		'People.email' => 'text',
		'email' => 'text',
		'People__sendmail' => 'integer',
		'People.sendmail' => 'integer',
		'sendmail' => 'integer',
		'People__created' => 'datetime',
		'People.created' => 'datetime'
	],
	'decorators' => (int) 0,
	'executed' => true,
	'hydrate' => true,
	'buffered' => true,
	'formatters' => (int) 0,
	'mapReducers' => (int) 0,
	'contain' => [
		'People' => [[maximum depth reached]]
	],
	'matching' => [],
	'extraOptions' => [
		'for' => '176'
	],
	'repository' => object(App\Model\Table\NovelsTable) {}

}
$count_treeList = (int) 2
$NovelsOrigin = object(App\Model\Entity\Novel) {

	'id' => (int) 176,
	'title' => 'JKと女教師の恋',
	'person_id' => (int) 42,
	'people' => [
		'id' => '42',
		'name' => '田中一郎'
	],
	'novels' => [
		'created' => '2019-09-06 12:41:22'
	],
	'[new]' => false,
	'[accessible]' => [
		'*' => true,
		'id' => false
	],
	'[dirty]' => [],
	'[original]' => [],
	'[virtual]' => [],
	'[errors]' => [],
	'[invalid]' => [],
	'[repository]' => 'Novels'

}
$random_data = object(Cake\ORM\Query) {

	'(help)' => 'This is a Query object, to get the results execute or iterate it.',
	'sql' => 'SELECT novels.id AS "novels__id", novels.title AS "novels__title", novels.score AS "novels__score", novels.url AS "novels__url", novels.created AS "novels__created", novels.comment AS "novels__comment", novels.person_id AS "novels__person_id", novels.rs AS "novels__rs", novels.excellent AS "novels__excellent", novels.parent_title AS "novels__parent_title", people.id AS "people__id", people.name AS "people__name" FROM novels Novels INNER JOIN people People ON People.id = (Novels.person_id) WHERE ((parent_id) IS NULL AND novels.id != :c0) ORDER BY random() LIMIT 3',
	'params' => [
		':c0' => [
			[maximum depth reached]
		]
	],
	'defaultTypes' => [
		'Novels__id' => 'integer',
		'Novels.id' => 'integer',
		'id' => 'integer',
		'Novels__parent_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels.parent_id' => 'integer',
		'parent_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels__person_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels.person_id' => 'integer',
		'person_id' => 'integer',
		'Novels__title' => 'string',
		'Novels.title' => 'string',
		'title' => 'string',
		'Novels__rewriting' => 'text',
		'Novels.rewriting' => 'text',
		'rewriting' => 'text',
		'Novels__rewriting_number' => 'integer',
		'Novels.rewriting_number' => 'integer',
		'rewriting_number' => 'integer',
		'Novels__rewriting_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels.rewriting_ip' => 'text',
		'rewriting_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels__comment' => 'text',
		'Novels.comment' => 'text',
		'comment' => 'text',
		'Novels__parent_comment' => 'text',
		'Novels.parent_comment' => 'text',
		'parent_comment' => 'text',
		'Novels__lft' => 'integer',
		'Novels.lft' => 'integer',
		'lft' => 'integer',
		'Novels__rght' => 'integer',
		'Novels.rght' => 'integer',
		'rght' => 'integer',
		'Novels__origin' => 'integer',
		'Novels.origin' => 'integer',
		'origin' => 'integer',
		'Novels__origin_title' => 'text',
		'Novels.origin_title' => 'text',
		'origin_title' => 'text',
		'Novels__parent_title' => 'text',
		'Novels.parent_title' => 'text',
		'parent_title' => 'text',
		'Novels__ip' => 'text',
		'Novels.ip' => 'text',
		'ip' => 'text',
		'Novels__user_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels.user_ip' => 'text',
		'user_ip' => 'text',
		'Novels__rs' => 'integer',
		'Novels.rs' => 'integer',
		'rs' => 'integer',
		'Novels__score' => 'integer',
		'Novels.score' => 'integer',
		'score' => 'integer',
		'Novels__no' => 'integer',
		'Novels.no' => 'integer',
		'no' => 'integer',
		'Novels__parent_no' => 'integer',
		'Novels.parent_no' => 'integer',
		'parent_no' => 'integer',
		'Novels__story' => 'integer',
		'Novels.story' => 'integer',
		'story' => 'integer',
		'Novels__excellent' => 'integer',
		'Novels.excellent' => 'integer',
		'excellent' => 'integer',
		'Novels__writer' => 'integer',
		'Novels.writer' => 'integer',
		'writer' => 'integer',
		'Novels__url' => 'text',
		'Novels.url' => 'text',
		'url' => 'text',
		'Novels__improvementl' => 'text',
		'Novels.improvementl' => 'text',
		'improvementl' => 'text',
		'Novels__good' => 'text',
		'Novels.good' => 'text',
		'good' => 'text',
		'Novels__created' => 'datetime',
		'Novels.created' => 'datetime',
		'created' => 'datetime',
		'Novels__modified' => 'datetime',
		'Novels.modified' => 'datetime',
		'modified' => 'datetime',
		'People__id' => 'integer',
		'People.id' => 'integer',
		'People__name' => 'text',
		'People.name' => 'text',
		'name' => 'text',
		'People__email' => 'text',
		'People.email' => 'text',
		'email' => 'text',
		'People__sendmail' => 'integer',
		'People.sendmail' => 'integer',
		'sendmail' => 'integer',
		'People__created' => 'datetime',
		'People.created' => 'datetime'
	],
	'decorators' => (int) 0,
	'executed' => true,
	'hydrate' => true,
	'buffered' => true,
	'formatters' => (int) 0,
	'mapReducers' => (int) 0,
	'contain' => [
		'People' => [[maximum depth reached]]
	],
	'matching' => [],
	'extraOptions' => [],
	'repository' => object(App\Model\Table\NovelsTable) {}

}
$excellent = (int) 3
$headerTitle = '小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』'
$title = '「JKと女教師の恋」の返信一覧。小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』'
$title2 = '小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』'
$description = '「JKと女教師の恋」の返信一覧。小説の最重要箇所であるタイトルとプロローグを改善するための相談、意見交換ができる掲示板です。タイトルが良くないとそもそも読者は小説を読んでくれません。また、プロローグがおもしろくなくては、ブックマークに登録してくれません。タイトルとプロローグで小説の評価は９割決まります。この２つを改善するための相談ができる場所です。'
$site_name = '小説のタイトル・プロローグ改善相談所『ノベル道場』'
$meta = (int) 1
$advertisements = true
$form = (int) 1
$nondisplay = []
$h2 = '他の相談依頼'
$i2 = null
include - APP/Template/Element/random_data.ctp, line 11
Cake\View\View::_evaluate() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 1203
Cake\View\View::_render() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 1164
Cake\View\View::_renderElement() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 1561
Cake\View\View::element() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 675
include - APP/Template/Novels/tree.ctp, line 30
Cake\View\View::_evaluate() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 1203
Cake\View\View::_render() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 1164
Cake\View\View::render() - CORE/src/View/View.php, line 772
Cake\Controller\Controller::render() - CORE/src/Controller/Controller.php, line 623
Cake\Http\ActionDispatcher::_invoke() - CORE/src/Http/ActionDispatcher.php, line 125
Cake\Http\ActionDispatcher::dispatch() - CORE/src/Http/ActionDispatcher.php, line 93
Cake\Http\BaseApplication::__invoke() - CORE/src/Http/BaseApplication.php, line 108
Cake\Http\Runner::__invoke() - CORE/src/Http/Runner.php, line 65
Cake\Routing\Middleware\RoutingMiddleware::__invoke() - CORE/src/Routing/Middleware/RoutingMiddleware.php, line 104
Cake\Http\Runner::__invoke() - CORE/src/Http/Runner.php, line 65
Cake\Routing\Middleware\AssetMiddleware::__invoke() - CORE/src/Routing/Middleware/AssetMiddleware.php, line 88

√7　虹を破る者〜妹を取り戻すまでの、7週間の英雄譚〜

投稿者秤屋シオン返信数 : 2

投稿日時： 2018年11月03日

　ある日、無気力な男子高校生・慧央は、双子の妹・依呂葉を失うという最悪の結末を迎えた。しかし、突然現れた謎の幼女にキスされて、7週間... 続きを読む >>

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魔法使いと存在証明

投稿者黎鴉返信数 : 2

投稿日時： 2018年07月20日

はじめまして、黎鴉と申します。今回、やっとプロローグ部分をかけたのですが、自分で何回も見すぎてちょっと客観的になれず皆様の意... 続きを読む >>

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調律奏は幸せを唄いたい〜異世界で恋愛と復讐は両立できますか？〜

投稿者篠宮ソラ返信数 : 3

投稿日時： 2020年08月27日

初めまして、篠宮ソラと申します。今作のテーマとして「悪事を働いた者には報いを受ける」を重点に置いた主人公を幸せにする為にはどうすれば... 続きを読む >>

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